A Fathers Perspective
By Chris Teeters (2010)
As I progressed through collage and starting thinking about my future I began to dream of having a wife and children, one boy and one girl, just like my family. I looked forward to teaching my kids about sports and to enjoy hunting and fishing, going through Scouts and watch them grow. I met my wife Annie in collage and got married a few years after school. We moved back to my home town of Wausau, bought a house and were ready to start a family.
We tried for many months to get pregnant with no success. We each were tested to make sure we did not have any unknown medical conditions. They found that Annie’s hormones were a little low and started her on medication. We got pregnant. We were so excited to tell my parents, they were very excited to be grandparents. A few days later we found out that we had miscarried; we were all devastated. We waited for a few months and tried again, we got pregnant again quickly this time. We were a guarded happy. The pregnancy progressed well with little issues. We decided to name our son Zachary, Zak for short. I grew up watching a guy play high school basketball named Zak. He did very well in sports, he worked with my dad a few summers and I got to know him, I somewhat idolized him for his outlook on life, being good at sports and having a strong belief in god. I thought this would be the perfect name for our son.
I remember the day like yesterday, hearing my cell phone ring, but I could not answer it, I thought it was strange that I heard the phone ring since I thought I had left in my truck. When I had a chance I looked for my phone and could not find it in the equipment I was operating. I went to my truck and found it there. I found I had multiple missed calls from Annie and my parents. Our baby boy was not due for a few weeks, but knew something was going on. I did not have good reception where I was and started driving back towards town to call Annie. I thought it may have something to do with the baby since Annie’s water had started to leak and the doctors tested it for ammonic fluid. It tested positive but we were a few weeks off from the due date, so they told us to stay calm and watch things. I got a few miles down the road and saw my dad coming, he started waving his arms for me to stop, and he yelled Annie went into labor. Well I figured these things take some time so I called Annie she said she was at the hospital and her water broke. So I went to the shop to drop stuff off and went home to shower and grab our bags. I got to the hospital to find Annie in good spirits but in some pain. Labor did not progress very much, so they gave Annie drugs to help, but as night came still nothing. Through the night Annie was in pain, she woke me up once by throwing a pillow at me and screaming to get a nurse because she could not handle the pain any longer. The doctors decided this was not going to happen naturally and were going to do a C-section in the morning, since the baby was in some distress. Ok so our perfect labor scenario is out the door, so onto something different. We had an older doctor, who was pretty rough in his approach; we did not feel real comfortable with him but he was our only choice. We went into the operating room waiting to welcome in our son. I remember hearing them say “he is out” and then a gasp, I looked up to see them cut the cord; our baby was covered in thick mucus and was not crying. I remember thinking “oh he will start crying” and he did. They took him off to another room while we waited for Annie to get put back together again. Before the doctor was done the nurse came and got me, “Dad do you want to see your son?” Of course I do, as we left the operating room the nurse said there were some concerns with our baby that he is not breathing right. I did not think much of it, you see that on TV, a little bit of care from the doctors and nurses and everything will be ok, right? Once in the nursery where they had Zak there were electrodes on him and air bags pumping, I was not prepared for this scene. They would stop their air compressions and Zak would not breath, the monitors would flat line, he would not move. So they started on him again. I looked to my left to see my parents looking in the window, they did not know what was going on. I was now crying very hard, thinking the worst, I knew I had to be strong for Zak and my parents, so through teary eyes I gave them a thumbs up, they looked happy.
The doctors finally stabilized Zak when they discovered he could not breathe through his nose, baby’s do not know how to breathe through their mouth so they put a small tube in his mouth to keep it open. Zak was ok, but he needed to be transferred to Marshfield. Marshfield was a far off land to me, only distant relatives had ever been there for doctoring, but the nurse assured me they were the best in the area to taking care of sick babies. I walked out of the room to tell my parents what was going on. I think they were in as much shock as me, though they did not show any emotions. Then I had to tell Annie in the recovery room what was going on. The nurse asked if she should tell Annie or if I would. I was too emotional to get any words out, so the nurse told Annie what was going on. Zak came into our room and then the transport team came from Saint Joseph Hospital. The one nurse was NICU nurse and was very caring and gentle with us. She told us what was going to happen with transporting Zak. We said our good-byes to Zak and see you soons. Annie was in no condition to travel and was still on heavy pain killers, so she would stay in the hospital to recover and I would go to Marshfield with Zak. At that point I knew I had to be strong for Annie, my parents, and our new baby. Mom asked if dad should go and I said Annie needs them more then I do. So they stayed with her and I went.
I got to the hospital and did not know where to park or where to go once inside. I did not know anything, everything to this point had been done with my parent or Annie, I was on my own this time. I finally found Zak in the NICU, the doctors were working on him again because his stats were falling. They pushed me aside and went to work. Finally he was doing better. They had him all taped up with sensors, probes and breathing tube. I could not believe my eyes. I got to sit down next to him and hold his little hand through the Isolate. All I could do was cry and to pray. It was late in the evening, the doctor came to talk to me and tell me they do not know what is going on, they will be doing tests in the next couple of days. Nurses stopped by to talk, they were very comforting. I called Annie and told her everything was ok.
The next day was full of tests and procedure. They found Zak’s nasal passages did not develop properly that he will need surgery, his heart was not functioning properly, and that he just does not look “normal”. My definition of normal forever changed.
Annie checked herself out of the hospital and my dad brought her down to the hospital. Annie was in a lot of pain and could barely walk. She was still bleeding, but she had to see Zak. I was relieved that my partner was there with me, but now I had to help take care of her too.
We asked Pastor John to come to the NICU to baptize Zak, since nobody knew what to expect. Doctors did not know if he would live or die, or what other issues may be ahead. It was a relief to see Pastor John and to hear his calming words and to have his support. We all cried together.
Zak’s nose was repaired, he began to gain weight and become healthier. We were told Zak has a very rare genetic disorder, and that Annie and I should have genetic testing done. We were sent home with arm loads of medical supplies to take care of him after two weeks in the NICU. We said good bye to all the great doctors and nurses to start our life again.
We adjusted well to Zak being home, the nurses taught us how to take care of him. People began to want to come and see the new baby. We said no, that he cannot be exposed to germs. We were very guarded and afraid of what other people would think. We fought for months for people not to find the truth about Zak. It was very straining to hide it. We still did not know what to expect for Zak, so we did not let many people into our lives. We found out Annie was the carrier of the genetic disorder.
I remember telling my dad about the genetic situation over the phone. He said that he was sorry. I asked what are you sorry for? He did not know and neither did I, was he saying sorry because Zak was sick or that our lives would be changed forever? I think it is our human nature to say you are sorry when life changes without warning. Why should another human apologize for God’s plan? There is nothing to be sorry for.
Every day I would pray and hope for Zak to be healthy. I still had big plans for us: hunting, fishing, and other fun father son stuff. Every week he got stronger and making some progress, but then there were more surgeries to fix his eyes and his nose. Then more tests to find other problems. We enjoyed every minute we had together. I loved cuddling Zak in my chair, rocking him to sleep on my chest, feeling his warm sweaty head. I was in love with him, he was perfect, he was my son.
We began opening up more to people, educating them on Zak. We began to learn other family’s stories; we felt much love around us. We learned of another family in the United Kingdom that had a son with similar genetic disorder, we emailed them to gain whatever information we could. They were brief in their replies and did not give many details, but there was hope for Zak since this boy was a few years older than him. I found some relief.
Zak has had many surgeries and many nights in the hospital to help correct small things like ear infections to major issues like a spinal cord decompression. Some of those surgeries Zak struggled to survive and was on life support. But he fought through them, he is a tough kid. One of my best memories is after his spine surgery in Iowa, Zak was in much pain and his little body was putting on a great fight to live. He look terrible hooked up to machines, swollen with fluids, and dried blood on his skin, we gave him one of his favorite toys, a Mickey toy from Disney that his cousin got for him. We put it by his hand; he grabbed a hold of it to press the switch to make his hat spin and light up. I huge rush of relief and happiness came over me. I went to his side and gave him a hug and cried.
People often ask “how do you do it?” I tell them what else is a parent to do? Then I tell them my story of how I was always the overweight kid made fun of by other kids, I had to be tough and stick up for myself and learn to ignore them and try to be better. Nothing came easy for me from school to athletics; I had to work hard at it and fight my way through. God has prepared me my whole life for this battle.
Zak is a strong kid he has fought through some tough battles. I have been reminded on two separate occasions by doctors the Zak is lucky to be alive. The first is his GI doctor, who tells the story that he did not know how long Zak had to live when he first met him. The first time he told us this I started crying, I had no clue how “sick” Zak was, or how close we were to losing him. Thankfully Dr. Park was able to figure out why Zak was struggling so much and after a few more surgeries become far healthier. The second is the neurosurgeon at Iowa Children’s Hospital who did Zak’s spinal cord decompression. Months after the successful surgery he confided in us that he was Zak’s only chance as he estimated Zak only had months to live if he did not have the surgery. When I hear doctors tell me that I feel so fortunate to still have Zak in my life. I used to pray that God would help Zak to walk and to talk. I have learned those are selfish prayers, now I only pray that Zak is healthy and happy. That is all that I ask for.
In 2009 we welcome our baby girl Callie into the world. We knew there would be risks of having a “normal” baby but we decided to put it into God’s hands. Whatever he gives will be fine. Callie has had many struggles over the past year. I am proud that we have the only two of kind kids in the world. I fall deeper in love with her every day, and look forward to her next mile stone. It is so fun to watch her grow.
Both kids have taught me so much: to trust in God, who real friends and family are, how wonderful of a wife and mother to my children that I have, and I how thankful I am for every day that I have.
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